Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Really Raw Detox with the Raw Divas

So, my friend Shez has apparently heard the news that I can be convinced to try anything when it comes to strange and extreme diets. My body and my metabolism have been the testing ground for everything from The Master Cleanse to something that Joshilyn and I ingested back in our Chicago years, which came in a bucket of horse medicine, caused us to enthusiastically gallop up 19 flights of stairs to our grad school office rather than taking the boring old elevator, and was probably methamphetamines. Boy were we skinny though. It was embedded in diatomaceous earth. We used to drink it in... Sprite or something? If you could suppress your gag reflex enough to keep it down, it really had a kick.

Aren't you glad we're getting to know each other better?

Anyway, so Shez, who is now probably completely horrified that she ever admitted to knowing me, suggested we do this Raw Detox via the Raw Divas. The Raw Divas are kind of like grrl power if grrl power was all about kale and cucumber, rather than lipstick and leather. They like to put special words in all caps for emphasis, and they say things like "watch the MAGIC unfold!" and "just imagine the beautiful CRISPNESS and COLORS of the food you're going to put on your plate!" It's just super. Super-de-duper.

Today is day 0, which means that today at 6pm I stop eating anything at all and then tomorrow at 6pm I can have an entire melon. After the melon, I can eat other things which are not cooked and then on next Wednesday I can resume cooking. Or, rather, knowing me, I can resume heating things which have already been cooked by other people in cold, grey industrial kitchens somewhere, where trolls ladle artificial colors and flavors into lasagna-shaped molds and cackle.

My husband's question: Can you eat Doritos if you don't cook them first?

Other questions: How will this affect my Nanowrimo? I am on track now to finish on time -- will I be able to sustain my word count without the helpful qualities of margaritas, peppercinos, cheese, and pirated Halloween candy? It's kind of like learning to write without nicotine, except that I'm not pregnant, so it must be easier.

I'll be keeping track of my daily progress via my Tumblr, where my Twitters, my photoblogs, and my blog posts all congregate to harrass each other and play red hands. You can also see my Tweets in my sidebar over there, if you

Here's to making the produce section my friend. The web site says my results will be "SIMPLE, APPROACHABLE, GUARANTEED!" Nothing makes me yearn for raw tomatoes like approachable results.

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  1. I didn't know you were doing this! You go girl! Mike and I are doing it too. We're on day 2. So far, so good...though I have had intermittent headaches throughout the day. Detox is great! (sometimes!)

  2. I've done this too! Are we twins separated at birth? You're brave to do it during NaNo.

    I did it last February, and although it took a few months, I credit it with changing the way I eat -- in April I stopped eating meat.

    Good luck! Gotta make it through Day 4!

  3. My first thought was, "Make sure you're close to the bathroom at all times."

    My second was, "Oh, yeah. And check the toilet paper BEFORE you sit down."

    Then there was my third thought, "Does that mean you're not eating chocolate with me on Friday? Should I bring raw cacoa beans?"