Thursday, October 02, 2008

Vice Presidential Debate Recap: Sarah Palin vs. Her Old Maid Aunt

Palin: Hiyas! I'm a soccer mom! I'm a mom and a hockey mom! You may find me showing up at a soccer game near you, this Saturday. I'll be asking you if you're more afraid of me or of the economy. We'll put the partisanship and special interests aside, and do some lemonade shots, Maverick-style! I respect all those years that other people have spent in Washington and the US Senate, but I think America is looking for something new and fresh, some new energy and fresh ideas. That's why I'm running with John McCain, who is younger and fresher than you could possibly imagine. Drill, baby, drill!



But you asked me about the bailout bill. Darn right I blame the predator lenders! There was deception and corruption there, there sure was! But we need to make a commitment here, all you Joe Sixpacks and Hockey Moms across the nation, that we are never going to live outside of our means again, and we will take responsibility for our own actions. So, it's their fault, by golly, and we need to take responsibility. Hey, I'm just a reg'lar girl from down the street, ya know? I don't like those east coast politicians keepin' the energy producing states from producin' it! I take issue with this redistribution of wealth theory that you people espouse. We've got to stop helping out those greedy Wall Street types and help people that still sit at kitchen tables. But not by redistributing wealth -- no! You believe that paying taxes is patriotic. I'm part of the middle class, and I believe that government is part of the problem! I'm on my way to Washington, darnit, to become part of the government! I mean part of the solution! As mayor of Alaska, up there, I took away the tax breaks to those greedy oil companies. And now the greed of greed has got to be stopped with Mavericks! We have got to clean up this planet! How are we gonna get there to positively impact the effects of this! Newk-yoo-ler! I have a lot of gay friends but I define marriage as between one man and one woman and I'm being as straight up with Americans as I can. Plus, I'm a mom. Now listen. I may not answer the questions the way that you or the moderator want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people. Now I want to tell you about when I was mayor--

Ifill: I'm sorry, Governor, but we're out of time on that question.



Joe Biden: Yaarrrrrrrr! These are the facts. Blabbity blabbity.

Predicted montages:
1. Joe Biden repeatedly calling John McCain a good man and even saying, "I love him."
2. Sarah Palin saying "Darn right!"
3. Sarah Palin talking about greedy people and how greedy they are.
4. Sarah Palin claiming to be middle class.
5. Sarah Palin mispronouncing the word "nuclear" so many times that it's almost Limbaughian.

I actually think the Governor did pretty well. Given that the expectations were so low she would have "succeeded" by managing not to get out there and drool on her collar, I think she succeeded. She was smug, derisive, she read scripted answers to questions that weren't asked, and she winked at the camera more than once. In short, she was like Bush in drag. My least favorite moment from her was when she told us she was chosen for VP because she's a mom. That was particularly low. I wouldn't be surprised if McCain gets a bump from her grinning and nose-crinkling and goshdurn spunk. Biden did fine. He came off as firm, on message, and fatherly. He had some good lines but mostly he just sounded solid, rational, and informed. She came off as real super fiery and totally like energized for the big game. It was a good performance. Good for Biden too, because if she had fallen right on her face it would have been hard for him to come out looking like the good guy. As it was, no one will remember much that he said, but hopefully they'll remember her grinning and rolling her eyes after he talked about his dead child and wife, deriding him and his "ticket" for looking back at the past instead of ahead to the future. Classy lady, that Palin. Warm as ice.

Edited to add: Another awful moment I was reminded of by a commenter on my DKos diary: When Palin acknowledged that Biden's current wife is a school teacher and said, "Her reward will be in heaven." So, his first wife died and his second one will get her reward in heaven, as promised by Sarah Palin. Wow. I bet he feels a lot better now.

4 comments:

  1. Oh My God, your recap is hilarious!
    Particularly "Bush in Drag"!

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  2. Anonymous7:33 AM

    Yes, this is very funny, but the actual debate wasn't. I was screaming terms of oppobrium at the screen before me. We simply can't elect this woman.

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  3. Colyn1:17 PM

    OMG, they should use that for Tina Fey's next Palin skit. Perfect.
    On a serious note, I was rather taken aback at Palin's lack of reaction to Biden's touching comments about the deaths of his wife and daughter, and the injuries his son sustained in that car crash. A *mom* is going to feel that, react to it, say something. She gave nothing. I wonder if there is, like, a Terminator robot face under all that makeup and glasses.
    Have I mentioned that I hate Sarah Palin with the white, hot intensity of a thousand suns?

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  4. Good grief, when I changed the layout of my blog, I'm not sure where your link went. For at least a month following this election I was thinking "I wonder what Lost Cheerio is thinking about this!". Hmmmm....now that I found you again, I'll be adding you again. Must have been all that time I spent in Alaska around those Hockey Moms and Joe Six Packs shrinking my brain. But at least I now wear a little lipstick, so that must make it all better. :)

    Missed you, glad to have found you again. How on Earth did your kids grow so much in such little time?

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