Ten Things I Have Learned Climbing Stairs

Having just finished my first stair climbing workout, where I marched up and down my own stairs in my own house for 30 minutes, I have these things to say:

1. My dog is so dumb, he followed me up and down the stairs for 20 of the 30 minutes. Seriously.
2. It is very boring to climb up and down stairs for 30 minutes. Very boring. Way more boring than a stair stepper. Way more boring than I imagine it would be to climb up a super tall staircase for 30 minutes.
3. I do need to wear shoes.
4. Dire Straits is not good music to help you climb stairs.
5. It is really hard! I was sweating and panting and everything.
6. That thing up in Benny's room that's smelling strange? and we can't figure out what it is? It has GOT to go. I could have climbed all the way to the third floor if not for whatever that awful thing is. Smells like a rotten warthog made of urine. WHAT is it?
7. Wearing just whatever I am wearing on the day of the workout is not a good idea. Needed workout clothes on.
8. There is a railing on the bottom part of the stairs but not the top part.
9. I tend to start out stairs on my right foot. How about you?
10. The fact that I am already dreading my next stair climbing practice bodes ill for my future as a stair climber. It was REALLY boring. So boring.

95 Reasons I Love T-Bone

T-Bone is not in any way my friend. He is actually my enemy. I have on many occasions enthusiastically suggested that he be firmly hurled into the sea. But because I lost a wager, I have to compose 95 Reasons why I love him, and nail them to my blog door. If you get that reference, you just might be a Lutheran! Anyway, here we go.



1. He smiles for the camera.
2. There isn't very much of him.
3. He has bitten me fewer than 20 times.
4. He has never actually severed an arm.
5. He hasn't severed a leg either.
6. He has bitten the children fewer than 20 times.
7. He has never tried to actually ingest the children, only their food.
8. He gives Porque Choppe someone to feel superior to.
9. He gives Porque Choppe someone to bite and malign.
10. He gives Porque Choppe exercise.
11. He's not a bigot.
12. He makes "The Dog Whisperer" especially relevant for us.
13. He makes my dog look good.
14. He eschews pants.
15. He is portable.
16. He's kind of goofy and funny-looking.
17. There's only one of him.
18. So far he has not burned down the house.
19. He has simple taste in dog food.
20. He has no intentions of running for president.
21. He doesn't carry a man bag.
22. He is pretty good at the groomers.
23. He has a cool name.
24. His poops are small.
25. He matches Ahno's sofa.
26. He hardly ever burps.
27. He really loves my husband.
28. He has not yet had any expensive medical problems.
29. He doesn't run off and get lost.
30. He likes to play with Leroy.
31. He runs maniacally through the house, and that's funny.
32. He doesn't demand to be given milk with his cookies.
33. He doesn't ask me to put shoes on Polly Pocket.
34. He doesn't play any instruments.
35. No one annoys us by wanting to make a fur coat out of him.
36. No one pesters us wanting to put him in the movies.
37. He isn't made out of glitter.
38. He isn't made out of okra.
39. He's never had aspirations of becoming a famous novelist.
40. He is not an agent of a hostile foreign country.
41. He doesn't encourage me to try okra, just try it.
42. He can't drive.
43. He hasn't got a blog.
44. He can't turn on the stove.
45. He can't use the telephone.
46. He doesn't mind having his fingernails painted for our entertainment.
47. He can't operate heavy machinery.
48. He can't talk.
49. He can't jump very high.
50. He's not one of those freakishly beautiful dogs.
51. He does have a sort of nutjob charm about him.
52. He doesn't try to hog the Playstation.
53. He doesn't fit into my skinny jeans.
54. He doesn't suggest movies that we could watch.
55. He doesn't judge me if I didn't brush my hair.
56. He and Leroy put on "The Dog Show" at the farm.
57. He tolerated my children playing with him on the leash all summer.
58. He tolerated being put into "the hole" resulting in this picture:



59. When he bit me all those times, I didn't actually die.
60. He taught me that being bit by a chihuahua is not all that big of a deal.
61. He keeps the carpet nicely clear of food bits.
62. He doesn't require batteries.
63. He has no android parts that need replacing at great expense.
64. Knitting him a dog sweater takes very little time.
65. Sadie likes him, and claims that he is hers.
66. He doesn't have any oozing pustules.
67. He can see clearly.
68. Nothing wrong with his legs.
69. His ears stick up perkily.
70. All his joints are in proper working order.
71. He can't fly.
72. He can't create recipes and demand to experiment in the kitchen.
73. He doesn't know kung-fu.
74. He doesn't have any TV preferences, happy to watch whatever.
75. Doesn't hog the remote.
76. He's not a poststructuralist, nor has he read the French feminists.
77. He doesn't keep big collections of knick-knacks.
78. His crate is pretty light.
79. There is no T-Bone-scented candle, inspired by him.
80. He has never killed anyone.
81. He doesn't absorb all light and matter, destroying the universe.
82. He doesn't leave wet rawhide rags lying around.
83. His head is on forwards, not backwards.
84. He is not explosive.
85. He doesn't cause pacemakers to malfunction.
86. He doesn't experiment with faux finishes and get halfway done and quit.
87. He doesn't leave droppings in the toilet without flushing.
88. He doesn't play practical jokes on people.
89. He hasn't ever bragged about an advanced degree.
90. He doesn't show off using chopsticks.
91. He doesn't buy into the whole Disney Princess craze.
92. He isn't stuffed with artichoke hearts.
93. He doesn't require special supplements.
94. He doesn't mock the drapery.
95. He gives Ahno something to do.

So there you have it. I hope I don't lose that particular bet again because I have nothing left to say.

That's a (Raw) Wrap! My Experience with the Raw Detox

These are the last observations on food that I expect to have for a while, or at least until the next friend asks me to try some new diet, which I will definitely enthusiastically have to try.

Here's how the detox went:



Day 1: Screaming, shouting, skull-rending headache due to lack of caffeine. Multiple pukes. Multiple calls to the husband (who had wisely gone to the office) to cry and whine. Three hours of torment followed by an inch of coffee, a handful of painkillers, and a one hour nap. After I woke up, I felt better. The children played a lot of chess that day.



Day 2: I ate a bunch of fruit and vegetables. I was not hungry but I did really want something hot, like tomato soup. Tomato soup seemed like the elixir of the gods, and its presence in my pantry tormented me. I noticed, on Day 2, that I was very calm. My writing on my Nanowrimo novel slowed to sedate saunter. I was patient with the children, so patient and reasonable that they started to wonder if I was really their mother. Nothing moved me. Nothing elated me and nothing depressed me. Everything was... fine. I ate more romaine lettuce than a person should eat in one day. I drank lots of water. I ate large apples, cut thinly. I ate grapes.




Day 3: On day 3 I started to wonder if life was really worth living without hot food. I felt so calm it was almost terrifying. I ate cherry tomatoes by the large bowl. I drank water by the quart. I stayed up very very late writing my novel, then at 2am took an extremely hot bath and a lot of my hair fell out! LITERALLY. If hair could be in droves then my hair would have been falling out in them. Droves, people. The interesting thing was that I stayed up until 2am without caffeine and I truly was not tired. I made myself go to bed.

Day 4: We went to IHOP in the morning and I ate a bowl of melon and grapes and oranges and was fine. I had one cup of coffee. Later in the day I took Sadie for a manicure. I drank lots of water. I was beginning to feel like a lifetime of hysteria and frantic neuroses was fading away from me. Then that night I went out for sushi with some friends, completely violating my diet and engaging in tempura, miso soup, california roll, and hot sake. OOPS. Definitely the best food I have ever eaten in my entire life. And I felt AWESOME.



Day 5: Back on the raw wagon, I had a very calm, peaceful day. Church, violin concert, getting from place to place by moving my legs and placidly drifting. I ate a pineapple during pizza night. The most complicated thought I had all day was why it says "Do not refrigerate" on tomatoes.



Day 6: I realized on morning of Day 6, looking back over my novel parts that I had written while raw, that it was complete garbage. Not in the usual "rough first draft" sense of the word, but in the "what medicated corn plant wrote this slop" sense of the word. The thing was composed almost entirely of subject-verb-object, subject-verb-object, etc and there was no internal life going on whatsoever. The characters moved through space without conflict, having a nice quiet time, they had no memories, no ideas, no flashback, no trouble. It was BLOODLESS. In a panic, and because I really wanted to eat crab dip, I ate a small plate full of toasted crackers and cajun crab dip. Then, while driving someplace, I had the most astonishing realization about my novel. When I got home that night I edited the first two chapters to reflect this change, and it was like the universe sang in a beautiful harmonious chorus. The clouds parted, a golden ray of sun shone down, and my boring pedantic novel was suddenly alive again.

Was it the raw that actually made me think of that idea? Or was I pinched in the brain by that crab dip? I may never know.

Day 7: Because it was day 7 and because I had decided pretty much that raw food was making me stupid in my brain, I quit a bit early and cracked open that much-coveted can of tomato soup at about 3pm. I ate it with crackers. By the time I took Benny to karate at 5, I was almost doubled over with extreme pain. WOW, that hurt. I ate more raw stuff for dinner, raw the next breakfast, and then a bowl of chili -- possibly the worst food I could have chosen but again something I had coveted droolingly while raw. Again with the massive stomach pains. So, the road back to cooked was not easy. But, I am eating cooked food again.

Some observations and claims, maybe not all valid though true to me right at this moment, all definitely subject to change:

1. While raw, I stayed up very late with no fatigue and no coffee. That first night back on cooked, I ate a pop-tart and was asleep in 30 minutes. Ditto the next night with a popsicle. Conclusion: Sugar puts me to sleep.
2. My desire to eat processed sugar is almost gone.
3. My desire to eat fruits and vegetables is very large. I now somehow connect these foods in my brain with feeling better.
4. I think my mojo is back, on my novel, and I credit the artificial colors, artificial flavors, caffeine, alcohol, and processed food with my mental reawakening.
5. Eating raw made me a much better parent. Much more patient and insightful.
6. Eating raw made me feel much less claustrophobic in several different ways -- in space in my house, in time in the day, in emotional proximity of other people. It made me feel like I had more room, more time, more capacity to deal with other humans. That was part of the good calm. I was really amazed by that.
7. I need my neuroses to be interesting. I found myself incredibly boring while raw. I wanted to knit, watch tv, and think about carpet. Now, I knit and watch TV anyway, and there's nothing wrong with doing these things in combination or together, but when I was eating raw I was feeling really fulfilled by just knitting and watching TV, or even just *sitting*. I felt like I might be able to even *meditate* and that scared the whoosit out of me.
8. Eating raw made me a bad writer. I have learned to write without cigarettes, without hard liquor, without most of the vices I engaged in back when I was cool. However, I don't think I really need to sabotage myself completely by writing without hot food.
9. Going forward, I will eat less sugar, more vegetable.
10. If I ever find myself in an overwhelmingly emotional situation, or a situation when I need to be very calm, I will eat raw starting about three days out. Seriously, it was that big of a thing. It was like tranquilizer for me. Good, and bad.

One Last Day Without a Coat

Dan gave me a new camera, which is ery exciting. However, I don't know how to use it properly. It's a much better camera than my old one, and therefore has a steeper learning curve. Someone suggested the other day that I open that colorful bundle of papers that came in the box with the camera, but I assured that person that those bound documents were purely decorative and that "Instructions" means "Discard" in Latin.

So here are a few pictures of the kids, playing in the park with Zoe, who was visiting from northern VA.

Sadie and all her necessary animals.

Cute little girls in pink and orange.

Love.

Some of these pictures would have been awesome, had my camera been more reasonable about figuring itself out rather than expecting me to do all the figuring.

Maybe I should ask this guy's advice:

Doesn't he look like he has all the answers? Hehehe.

Us as Muppets

Go make yourself a muppet at the FAO Schwarz Muppet Workshop. You can also buy a muppet version of yourself if you want, but I think I'll go for the digital version. Thank you Susannah for the link!

Hancock Fabric Ad Special Quiz Challenge Spectacular!

Here is the ad:

Here is the quiz:

1. In what year is a suede trench fashion forward?

A. 2008

B. 1978

C. Never. Suede in "stiff camel" is never fashion forward.

2. How gay is that guy in the vest?*

A. Super-gay.

B. He's so gay, he's my boyfriend.

C. Clay Aiken gay.

3. But, how did you know he was gay?

A. The way the cuffs are.

B. The way the collar is.

C. The way the eyebrows are.

4. It's cool to be gay, though, right?

A. Yes, but it's not cool to wear a suede vest with lapels.

B. Yes, but it's kind of weird that no one in this ad has hands. Even the girl in the trench. Where are their hands?

C. Yes, but a gay man in a pirate outfit doesn't make me want to fire up my sewing machine.

5. What says fashion forward more than a belted jersey sweater vest?

A. Anything on earth.

B. A big ruffly chiffon collar.

C. Matching earrings and belt buckle.

6. Who is the blonde girl?

A. She's that girl from Gray's Anatomy.

B. She's my third grade teacher.

C. She's the spokesperson for people with huge hideous animal-patterned growths on their necks.

7. What in this ad makes you want to visit Hancock Fabrics?

A. The background color: Abused dog turd. The font: Garage sale.

B. The scandalous thought that suede could be stretched!

C. The fierce, undeniably magnetism of the female models.

8. Based on this ad, what are the trends for the season?

A. Things that are the color of pork rinds.

B. Stuff left tossed over the pants rack at Good Will by people who found something better.

C. Foreheads.

9. What's your favorite word in this ad?

A. Dull

B. Polyester

C. Solids

10. Do you think it's possible this ad entered my email through a time warp from 30 years ago?

A. Yes

B. No

C. Eat a cheeseburger.

*You know I loves me some gay people but, the gayness of this particular guy makes me question my assumptions about the target demographic of this ad! It's not just that he is gay, I mean what male model is not gay, right? And we love them for it. But, the outfit itself is, like, a poet shirt under a cowboy vest? Super-gay! Yes, you heard me, I am *questioning my assumptions about the target demographic of this ad*. Believe it.

My Really Raw Detox with the Raw Divas

So, my friend Shez has apparently heard the news that I can be convinced to try anything when it comes to strange and extreme diets. My body and my metabolism have been the testing ground for everything from The Master Cleanse to something that Joshilyn and I ingested back in our Chicago years, which came in a bucket of horse medicine, caused us to enthusiastically gallop up 19 flights of stairs to our grad school office rather than taking the boring old elevator, and was probably methamphetamines. Boy were we skinny though. It was embedded in diatomaceous earth. We used to drink it in... Sprite or something? If you could suppress your gag reflex enough to keep it down, it really had a kick.

Aren't you glad we're getting to know each other better?

Anyway, so Shez, who is now probably completely horrified that she ever admitted to knowing me, suggested we do this Raw Detox via the Raw Divas. The Raw Divas are kind of like grrl power if grrl power was all about kale and cucumber, rather than lipstick and leather. They like to put special words in all caps for emphasis, and they say things like "watch the MAGIC unfold!" and "just imagine the beautiful CRISPNESS and COLORS of the food you're going to put on your plate!" It's just super. Super-de-duper.

Today is day 0, which means that today at 6pm I stop eating anything at all and then tomorrow at 6pm I can have an entire melon. After the melon, I can eat other things which are not cooked and then on next Wednesday I can resume cooking. Or, rather, knowing me, I can resume heating things which have already been cooked by other people in cold, grey industrial kitchens somewhere, where trolls ladle artificial colors and flavors into lasagna-shaped molds and cackle.

My husband's question: Can you eat Doritos if you don't cook them first?

Other questions: How will this affect my Nanowrimo? I am on track now to finish on time -- will I be able to sustain my word count without the helpful qualities of margaritas, peppercinos, cheese, and pirated Halloween candy? It's kind of like learning to write without nicotine, except that I'm not pregnant, so it must be easier.

I'll be keeping track of my daily progress via my Tumblr, where my Twitters, my photoblogs, and my blog posts all congregate to harrass each other and play red hands. You can also see my Tweets in my sidebar over there, if you

Here's to making the produce section my friend. The web site says my results will be "SIMPLE, APPROACHABLE, GUARANTEED!" Nothing makes me yearn for raw tomatoes like approachable results.

Are you on Twitter? Follow me @lostcheerio and send me a message so I can follow you.
Are you on Tumblr? Follow me http://littleblueschool.tumblr.com/ and ask me to follow you too.

Anyone Else Feeling a Bit Tired?

Last year at this time, Sadie was 3. This year, predictably enough, she is 4. Last year, she wasn't interested in school. This year she is.

Benny needs my almost constant attention when he's doing his school. Beyond the teaching of new concepts, he also needs help and encouragement in word and gesture as he's doing... anything. Put your finger under the next one Benny. What is this question asking you? Etc. He can't be left on his own to read a chapter of a book -- I have to listen and remind him to keep going. He can't be left to finish a page of math, or practice his violin. There are also a lot of things we're doing right now where I just need to be involved, like the elections class.

Now, I don't grudge him any of this time, obviously. I've tried rewarding him for working independently, I've tried setting time limits and natural consequences (if you're not done with this by 10:00 we can't go to the YMCA), and I've tried punishments for failure to perform (if you can't do this math on the computer, I'm taking away your Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 disk). I have just determined that it's not a decision he makes to be inattentive and unfocused, it's just what's going on in his head. The unfortunate thing about setting time limits and natural consequences is that Sadie then also gets punished.

Speaking of Sadie. She wants to do school this year. Desperately. She asks every day to practice her violin, do her math, read. I have her on Right Start kindergarten math, and we're doing phonics, and we're reading together. I need to be there with her when she's doing her lessons, obviously, because she's four.

So, I have two kids doing multiple lessons every day, and I have to be there to supervise all of it, and suddenly instead of "We don't spend much time at the kitchen table," we're spending a lot of time at tables, or next to each other on the sofa, or on the floor in the front room, or whatever -- doing school. This is not what I imagine for us.

The other new development this year, with Sadie a four-year-old and Benny an eight-year-old, is that they both have their own violin, they both have their own dance, they each have their friends and -- the "baby" is not just a tagalong anymore, she has her own agenda and activities and life.

I'm tired. I want them to have free time to play and chill. I feel like I'm drowning in school.

I need an unschooler to kick me in the head and say, "Step away from the lessons."

I need an experienced schooler of multiple children to say, "It gets easier and more normal and less time consuming."

I need someone to say, loudly, "Putting one of them in school is not an option."

I know that part of it is all the other stuff I've put on myself that's heavy -- editing novels for people, doing web sites for the dance studio, volunteering at church and violin, doing political work, this, that, and the other thing. I am trying to eliminate a few things -- the Bash will be over in a month, and I'm quitting the novel editing, and eventually the ballet web site will be done, and the elections class and canvassing will be over on November 4. Maybe at that point everything will just look more open. But then there's Nanowrimo and Christmas and, and, and.

Thanks for listening. Maybe I just needed to stomp around and yell about it so that I can take a deep breath and get on with it.

We have our house, our health, our gorgeous children, our glamorous interests, and we are never, ever, ever, bored. This is something to be happy about, right?

Three Things and the RNC

1. How to get this hair style: Cut off all your hair. ALL. Say to the haircutting man, "Take off everything that's ruined and killed" and then watch as all your hair is removed, down to the shy little inch-long roots. Then do NOTHING for six months. After six months, get extremely annoyed and hack off most of the back of your hair in the bathroom mirror with school scissors. Wait one more year. You're done!



2. Sadie is a badass. She had to get three shots today, and she made ABSOLUTELY no sound, not even a peep, not even a gasp, as they went in. Even during the one the nurse said she was doing last because it was going to b-u-r-n (spelling it nervously) she sat there still as a statue, watching the needle go in. Is this good or bad? She is going to be one tough ninja someday. Notice Fluffy the Webkinz in her lap. The doctor examined Fluffy exhaustively while Sadie rolled her eyes.



3. Our rabbit is awesome. When we got this stupid rabbit, I thought it was a whim Sadie was having, and that she wouldn't really play with it or love it. She does both, constantly. I have to say "Put the rabbit up" before we can get anything done around here. She drags it around by its skin, playing dolls with it, riding it in the baby stroller, making it live in the Barbie house, and also just hanging out with it and patting it while watching TV. It is the most patient, dear, un-biting, un-complaining rabbit. I really do not like this rabbit, just on principle. But I'm starting to convert. Here's the rabbit, Giselle, getting a physical from the children.

RNC: Bring on Joe Lieberman! I'm ready to be whelmed. Whelm me, Joe.

The Six Things Meme

Shez tagged me to do the six things meme. I don't normally do memes so I thought I'd do this in pictures.

1. When I was in my 20s I taught English at the University of Illinois at Chicago. One of my classes was expository writing based on cyborgs and robots, virtual life, etc. We as a class created a virtual world that the students inhabited. All their grades went toward points in their virtual worlds. There was also a MUSH version of this, but here's a link to the web version. Navigation is garbagey but remember it was like 1997, ok?

2. When I was in my 20s I co-founded and edited a very avant garde web site that got a lot of press and traffic. These were the avatars created for us by the site's illustrator. The site has been taken down now, and its domain name hijacked by a porn site. I'm the one on the left:

3. Shortly after Benny turned two I began designing, creating, and selling clothing for children. Click the image to visit my old web site, now defunct. My specialty was jackets, that's why my old standby email address is jackets at rpsd.com. I don't sell stuff any more. In fact, I wish I had all the stuff back that I ever sold. The money was not worth it. Now I just sew for fun and for the people I know and love. Lesson learned!

4. As a teenager I was very seriously into showing horses, my own and other people's. This ended rather abruptly when I injured my back. Here I am on one of my horses -- actually this is the one that hurt my back and made it impossible for me to continue riding. He was an awesome horse, though, very hot and fiery, lots of fun to ride, always a little out of control:

5. I have a Boston Terrier named Leroy. Well, he's technically Benny's, but...

6. I used to be a very unnatural blonde. Someday I intend to be blonde again:

That's all the news I care to share today.

Edited to add a couple more pictures for Tina:

Here's my fat chestnut pony that I first fell in love with when I was 8 and he was 4, and kept with me until I was 21 and he broke his knee by gambolling around in an icy pasture. The picture above is us winning the American Morgan Horse Association Youth of the Year (1988) and the below picture is me with our trainer driving him in a meadowbrook carriage. We did a bit of driving after the back injury. This was in Kentucky. I'm the passenger.

Lucky Me

My awesome yesterday technically started at midnight on Monday night. It was about five minutes after midnight that I rose from my seat here at the little desk that holds my laptop. We're at our summer home in Pennsylvania, and conditions are a little primitive. Seems you have to plug a wire into your computer and into the wall to get internet. It's shocking. Reminds me of way back in 2006, you know? Those were such crazy, wiry times.

So at five minutes or so after midnight, when Tuesday was just a nascent and innocent day, full of hope and promise, I stood up from my seat and reached for my diet Coke, which was on the dining room table. My traitorous foot wickedly ensnared itself in the headphones wire, yanked the laptop off the desk, and smashed the screen into the hard point of the chair seat. "Oh, no no no," I said under my breath. No, no, no, as I lifted my precious baby laptop up off the floor. But yes, yes, yes it had a screen that looked like a broken windshield. But more colorful and horrifying. Something like this:

After bawling and crying and complaining to Ahno immediately, fretfully sleeping for five hours and then cranking and crying at Dan in the morning, I drove to the local computer store and they helpfully sold me a 20 year old monitor for $25. It is working. I am okay. Dan is going to buy me a new laptop. It is not the end of the world.

With the laptop drama over, I loaded the kids into the van, strapped the bikes on the back, and went to the Sandy Creek Bike Trail to put in a ten mile ride. After all the refried crapola with the laptop, I could use ten miles of stern, bitter bicycling. We reached the start of the trail, and I had the bikes unloaded, the helmets on, the baby in the trailer, everyone water-bottled and sunscreened and the van locked up when I realized I was missing a very crucial knob on the trailer hitch and could not attach it to my bicycle.

Tore the van apart, searched all around the surrounding area and the parking lot, and could not find this miserable, rat-soaked knob. Even when four paunchy and pasty middle aged men showed up, back from their ride, and very kindly proceeded to tear my van apart (again) to show me that it had to be there (it wasn't), there was no knob. So, off with the helmets, back in the van, bikes back on the rack, everyone home, me saying dire and unreportable things under my breath. I called Dan and cried and complained. He determined that I can go get a wingnut at Home Depot and use that for now, and he is going to order the real part. So, fine. Everything alright.

Bike drama behind us, I decided to just take the kids down the hill to the creek. If we can't ride bikes we can at least get muddy and look for crayfish and throw rocks around. So we're down there up to our knees in creek water, busily rearranging the rocks and persecuting the minnows, and I hear a car on the road. Not a huge deal, but notable, because we're almost at the end of a very untravelled road. Then I heard the sound of a shotgun. At least, that's *REALLY* what it sounded like. Then I heard the screen door slam.

So, in my mind, the universe has smashed my laptop, hidden my bike trailer knob, and now has arrived in a strange vehicle, shot my Ahno, and is now butchering her in the kitchen sink. I gathered up the children and yanked their clothes on, charged up the hill to find that the apple tree in the side yard, one that I labored over at length last year to establish a surrounding flower garden and rock border, has fallen over.

So, the car was unrelated, the screen door slam was Ahno going out to check on the tree, but seriously, after the day I had yesterday, I'm almost ready to just stay inside for the rest of the week!

Happy Birthday to Me

I had a great birthday today. I am 36. I'm at a point in my life where each birthday causes a certain amount of anxiety, especially as I bounce down the jagged cliffs toward 40. This day was great, though.

I got this from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law:

Beautifully perfect -- I just love the big pink daisies. Thank you Mom and Terri!

From my wonderful husband I got this:

And a Wii!!! It was 100 degrees here and Benny was feeling too sick to go to the birthday party he was scheduled to attend, so we just stayed in the air conditioned house and played Wii all afternoon! Glorious. We got more laughs and cackles out of Wii Sports than it's decent to report, and Wii Fit is completely fun even for the kids.

I love Wii Fit. You get a little avatar that's as fat or thin as you are. Then you do games and exercises to improve your balance and strength plus aerobics and yoga. The most awesome part about it is that each member of the family has their own little avatar (called a Mii) and you compete on the games and there's a scoreboard and stuff. Every minute you spend exercising goes into a "bank" that unlocks new games and moves and exercises and yoga poses and whatnot. It's COMPLETELY RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME! You get to stamp each calendar day that you work out and you can keep track of your BMI and your balance ability and other things.

Susannah gave me some lovely perfume, Shez has a plan to take me out for a massage, I have more presents at Ahno's house, and it's all wonderful. Beyond the presents though, I am just feeling very cheered up, very encouraged, very optimistic in general.

Dan also got me this last weekend:

I didn't think I would be able to ride a bicycle very well, with my back problems. However, Benny is getting so fast with his bike that I can't keep up with him marching along with the stroller. The first time I rode this bike, Dan took me on a very easy 2 mile ride. The next morning I woke up with great trepidation, to find that my back was no worse. The next day I went on the same ride with Benny. Again, no ill effects. For the last three days, including today, I've been riding between five and eight miles, and I am *NOT* having back pain from it. This is just so encouraging because I was so worried that bike riding was going to be another fun thing (like riding horses, doing karate, etc) that I can't do because of the spinal issue. Turns out, at least AT THIS MOMENT, it is going to be fine. I've been riding in traffic, feeling good, getting stronger.

Another thing that's been bothering me was not being able to work out at the YMCA because Sadie was refusing to go to the toy room. Dan and Ahno both volunteered to work with me so I could leave the kids to go work out, but I don't like asking for help like that and they both have other things to do. Plus it makes it such a production to get 30 minutes on the elliptical. Swimming with the kids is great, but doesn't get my heart rate up. Anyway, now with Wii Fit, I feel like I will be able to work out when I want to, with the kids right there.

1. Bike
2. Wii Fit
3. I have a plan to have the YA novel revised and the "real" novel drafted by the end of the year. Between trips to PA, the kids being in summer camp, and Nanowrimo, I believe I will get this done this year.
4. Weight Watchers is working -- I've lost 4 pounds.
5. Here's one final thing that's really helping my mental health. Doing the science fair, and now working on putting together the book extravaganza for fall has been really good for me. This is a way that I can really feel like I'm stretching myself, learning new things, experiencing growth, all within the parameters of parenting my children. Of course I learn by homeschooling, but doing the science fair and the book fair are really "grown up" things that have taught me a lot and continue to do so. Working on these massive projects and helping as an administrator at the co-op has given me a new feeling about homeschooling and parenting in general.

This may get a little goofy and sappy. You have been warned.

As I sit here at the beginning of 36, I am starting to see myself as a person again, not just as a mother, not just as a homeschooler, not just inside the walls of this house. Whether it's tearing down the street in traffic on my new bike or calling NYC publicists about organizing guest authors or spending the time and attention to get my figure back, I'm not sure, but something is reminding me of the person I used to be and I'm feeling a little braver, a little more certain, more driven than I have in years.

I'm thankful to my husband for seeing me this way when I didn't, for finally making me get that bike, and always encouraging me to go big, and for repeatedly telling the kids "That's Mom's birthday present, so she gets to decide what game to play next!" HAHAHA!!!

A New Day

I have decided that the missing factor in my weight loss plan is nerdiness. I am a big nerd and while I am not really comfortable with analysis and introspection, I do really like rules, specific orders, and competition. I also really like computers and games and ticking things off in boxes and little icons and social networking. So when my friend Joshilyn suggested that we do Weight Watchers Online, it was as if the clouds had parted an a single sunbeam shone down on my face.

The Weight Watchers site is high on ticky-ticky boxes and rules and things to click. It is a little low on social networking. However, I feel that if I look for 2 seconds I will find a WW Flickr group, a WW Facebook group, and many more ways to get my nerd on. The idea is to make weight loss more like a computer game. If this can be done, I will be svelte in mere moments.

So tomorrow is my first weigh-in. I am optimistic. I haven't weighed myself since the beginning of the 50 day challenge, so who knows? Maybe I have actually lost those 20 pounds already, and replaced them with good thoughts or kind intentions of equal volume!

Me: So, do you feel confident in my ability to properly execute Weight Watchers?
Dan: (trying to watch The Simpsons) Mmm hmm.
Me: Do you ever wish I would just shut the hell up so you could watch The Simpsons?
Dan: Aww, honey, I never wish you would shut up.
Me: You are the nicest husband in the whole entire universe!
Dan: Shut up.

Fridge at 8:17

Yo ho yo ho, this is what's in my fridge, Melina!



In the freezer door, bags of triple berry and green beans, and an extra brick of coffee.

In the freezer, a box of ice cream drumsticks, a bag of veg, an entire army of frozen mac and cheese boxes that Sadie will reliably eat when all else fails, and a bunch of those awful popsicles that come in a plastic tube and you have to squeeze them up, up, up and all over the floor, for eating OUTSIDE. Hidden from view are some frozen biscuits, meat products, and more!

In the fridge door, steak sauce and gatorade, various condiments, a big bottle of lemon juice in the bottom *and* a small lemon-shaped bottle that's hanging its tag over the railing coyly.

In the fridge we have a massive vat of ketchup, a rogue diet Coke can, a jug of milk and some coffee creamer, pickles, bread, a bottle of $4 pink champagne, then lower down a 12 pack of diet Coke, and bags of veg, on down through a shelf of veg, some for the rabbit and some for us, and then at the bottom, potatoes.

This picture was taken on a longsuffering mobile phone. Contents may vary on the date of your visit.

My American Idol Song

The purpose of the contest is to find a song for the winner to sing at the finale, so the theme is supposed to be... the journey, the arrival, the victory, the moment in time, the grand spotlight. Not my typical theme. My typical themes are mitosis, Charles Darwin, South American rodents, and the letter E.

My entry is here on my myspace music page:

http://www.myspace.com/littleblueschool

Somehow in mixing it down and compressing it first to a .wma and then to a .mp3, I managed to get a whole bunch of crazy stuff in there by way of blips and squeeps. I'm not great at this home recording thing -- this is my first effort. You'll have to imagine it a little cleaner, a little less wobbly, and there you have it. The product of my labors from here at my bedroom vanity table (appropriate, no?) with my microphone, my guitaar, my keyboard, and my laptop. For better or for worse, it's done.

I'm going to try and clean it up a little maybe. Or maybe I'll just leave it strange and bleepy, like me.

The good news is that now that I've figured out my recording equipment (somewhat) I can really record all my science and history songs. Which was the point all along, right? Right? :)

For a list of all the entries, see my book blog. There's an adjacent post with all the entries from last year. At least all the ones that I could hunt down on the internet.

What I Have Been Doing

I haven't been commenting much on blogs, I haven't been answering much email, and I haven't been blogging much myself because...

Wait, before I reveal this, you should prepare yourself to judge me. Harshly. Especially those of you who find TV repulsive and reality TV violently nauseating.

I've been working on writing my song for the American Idol Songwriting Contest. I did it last year, and it was really fun. I don't know why it was fun -- I am being completely honest when I say that. I think it was fun for the same reason that writing that non-fiction book proposal was fun: it was finite, structured, and could be completed. Then it went on to being someone else's problem. So many of my tasks as a mom and a homeschooler are cyclical, and never finished. When I do one of these "extracurricular" projects, there's a satisfaction in completing it and sending it off and being finished with it.

Maybe that's why -- maybe not.

I hope to have my song done today. The deadline is Monday. I will post a link to it when it's finished.