Help Wanted: Coffee Creamer Job Opportunity!

Position: Coffee Creamer

Duties: You will be providing about 15 mm of liquid to the bottom to a coffee cup each day. After the coffee is poured in, you will wait on the counter all morning, and later be poured down the drain. Other duties may include joining yesterday's coffee in the microwave, waiting patiently in the microwave for several hours, and then being poured down the drain.

Requirements: All you have to do is make the coffee white. Really. You can taste like pig vomit -- doesn't matter. No one will ever drink you.

Benefits: There will be a lot of joy when you are brought home from the grocery store. Your employer may exclaim, "Look, honey. I remembered coffee creamer!" Also, you will enjoy several weeks of extended tenure in the fridge, even after you are empty, until your replacement is found.